Shoreline: A metaphor for boundaries
A shoreline, visually, is a separation between land and water. Yet, the two are very connected, often experiencing overlap, one trying to change the natural state of the other… the crossing over of one to another. And sometimes, it gets a little rocky, messy… you get the point.
Does this sound familiar at all?
As we explore boundaries with our families, we invite you to capture the image of a shoreline in your mind, as a visual representation of boundaries.
Close your eyes. bring that image to mind.
Got that shoreline? Sweet!
Now, let’s dive in!
First, we need to establish what is important to us this season. Specifically, what’s priority for you during a particular event, trip or party? What will be the values that guide this experience? For example, is it fun, relaxation, peace, slowness, exploration or connection. Take your pick!
Once we got that, let’s acknowledge the spaces, environment, situations or family members that could invite us out of that priority. So, you know “Auntie Sue,” as an example; when I tell her we can’t make it for an event, she becomes defensive and questions our decisions. This brings up a feeling of discomfort, one that let’s me know that… AHOY MATEY…. SHORELINE! (bring the image to mind, hold it, take some breaths, settle into your body.) This is your mindfulness practice to support you in your boundary setting.
Since my priority this summer is fun + slowness, I’m feeling discomfort around my values and my desire for slowness being potentially infringed upon. Here’s where I communicate the boundary:
“Auntie Sue, I appreciate you want us to attend. This summer we’ve decided to slow things down, and not jam pack our schedules with events. The rushing is overwhelming, and doesn’t work for me (or our family). We will not be attending, and appreciate you may be upset about this.”
When people are upset with being on the receiving end of a boundary, they may push back. Just like water flowing back and forth onto the shore. Pushing, testing how far they might be able to reach the sand. How much they can infringe their desire to change your state (i.e. to make your sand wet) vs. the need to stay dry. They may do this for a while. And it’s not our job to concede. Our job is to come back to the image of the shoreline that grounds us back into our values, our needs, and our peace. This is a radical act of self respect.
Alright friends, you got this! We believe in you, and we are just a short message away if you need us this summer! Got questions? Ask away!